POST 223 IDENTITY CRISIS?

Greetings and joy to your hearts.  As I type this it feels like my 'Swan Song' (final gesture or performance) it could also mean a type of critique(a detailed analysis and assessment of something, especially a literary, philosophical, or political theory.) of my views on so named agendas and spirituality today and possibly has always been.  Existentialism(a chiefly 20th century philosophical movement embracing diverse doctrines but centering on analysis of individual existence in an unfathomable universe and the plight of the individual who must assume ultimate responsibility for acts of free will without any certain knowledge of what is right or wrong or good or bad.) has many meanings and is difficult to define, however I have great respect for the phrase as above 'Individual existence in an unfathomable universe'

Courtesy www.printerest.com

Many times I have said about programming, conditioning, cloning of minds, brain washing, religious, political, cult, ism's, trends, fashion statements, mind bending media graphics and so forth, and this is not tearing down religious principles of love, respect, prayer, devotion to a Universal Intelligence known by many names, but the DOGMA that sets one against another, the apparent safety in numbers by being in the choir that sings the tune of oneness, belonging, the herd and cult phenomena, often depicted by the same uniform and garb, book and rhetoric, its OK as long as it doesn't lead to addiction, bigotry and obsession. 

Courtesy www.moleskinegalato.com

Should you feel like 'who am I?' 'What is my Purpose here?, where do I fit in, in this unfathomable Universe, we may then start the QUEST, if it gets too hard or uncomfortable, we may choose the mask as the image above this one suggests, just before we put it on and cover up, and mask our true identity we may have to choose which mask suits us best, gives us the most safety and rewards, lets us congregate with those who wear the same masks as ourselves.

This can lead at times to the image above, the real me peeps out occasionally, there is something wrong, I am leading a false life. Some of us try to unmask, discover our true identity, then we may meet a seemingly insurmountable block,and  a shock.  

  Courtesy www.landmarketing.co.uk

Maybe our search, like an actor who plays various parts and some get so into these characters, that they have serious identity problems, some even get suicidal and take to drugs, especially when their fame declines and they are left with their own 'who am I'? Some like Clint Eastwood said' it's great to work out part of yourself and get paid for it' Some just get lost forever and play roles, like in Hawaii 'Five O' Jack Lord actually made arrests in the street and people actually got so into it they really thought as he did he was a a genuine police officer. In popular 'soap's' people cry when a character dies and send wreaths or letters of condolences to the actors character families.  Men and women who fall in love with adverts of people having a seemingly wonderful life and then secretly romance themselves in their fantasies. How easy it is to brainwash and seduce the lonely or the needy.

I have posted about celebrities of sport, cinema, stage, pop even to some extent some soldiers and workers who held long term service and then retirement, some without hobby or interest get that depression, boredom and turn to alcohol, sit in front of the TV, some go to clubs, senior socialism, some turn to become mercenaries, ALL to fill the gap of ' I was identified with my occupation, my work which I thought and felt was my Life' and now there is nothing, so I will fill it with the most attractive supplement.  All outside activities are OK as long as when they are removed there is trauma.

Courtesy quotepixel.com

The above then captivates the ethos of self determination as in existentialism at the top of this blog and can lead to isolation, 'being different' , low esteem, or being a strong rebellious leader and extremely egoistic and perhaps a socio-path or a psychopath, if the means to becoming these extremes or moderately somewhere in between is done just purely by logic, psychiatry, self analysis, counselling, these may help, however they may lead to more crises, or provide a wake up call.   

 Courtesy of izquotes.com

There is that lovely story I posted of God Hiding the truth deep Inside because it was the last place humans would look for it.

When we begin the quest for our true identity and we really search within after searching outside, we may find aspects, thoughts, conditioning that arise, and find them distasteful, frightening, revolting.  The brave WHO AM I  warrior, sometimes called the Spiritual Warrior, this may have connotations with some 'spiritual / religious / sect /ism and so lead to another identity, yes this is the inner path of the PATH, an indefinable way, yet it can lead to a real appetite for who am I, really who am I, not a swap shop, bargain basement, boot sale, a plethora of New Age Hype and fantastic healing's and self growth strewn all over the internet, the real New Age is self discovery of who one really is.  The problem arises when one believes their ego is reality and real. This maybe seen as addicted to a false reality built around and on beliefs which may only have a temporary foundation before moving on for another set of beliefs. It is the very fact that at the so called foundation all beliefs are on shifting sands if one is not too set in concrete and leaves very little room for negotiation, discussion and manoeuvring.  As beliefs vary world wide so they may come into conflict with another's beliefs, and where there is little tolerance, a relationship breakdown occurs and could result in a bloody war. 

Courtesy www.bbcweb.ca

When I worked in Forensics I knew two very high ranking police officers who were searching for their 'true identities', we used to share this topic regularly. One later on became a 'workshop leader' in these matters, and the other had a breakdown that led to a breakthrough, I use this as a template for other scenarios.

The power of a senior official, especially in judiciary, politics and religion, or a CEO of  a multinational company is immense, and they can become pompous, egotistical to a huge intensity, however on retirement some get another huge job based on their past experience, and some fall by the wayside and get depressed, all that power and authority, now just a plain Mr, Mrs, Miss.  Some live with it, some cannot.  Many have enough money to live in the countryside, do the garden, take the dog for a walk, read the papers, go on holidays and lead a quiet life, have a hobby, I knew one such top officer, who retired to one of the Scottish Islands and became a sheep farmer, all he had was ten sheep and just walked them up and down and was content with this, all this is fine and dandy and OK if that's one's predilection. This happens to sports people, celebrities and all sorts of scenarios can apply and many 'shades of grey' exist. Some are so fixed in their belief realities, like a celebrity once said they begin to believe their own publicity as politicians their rhetoric and with the help of the media reinforce it.

Courtesy bigcartel.com

The whole search may start with a sudden shock, job loss, accident. illness or just as above, perhaps a slow simmering, and unease, this is not fulfilling, every job, relationship seems to be missing something and then I may realise its is 'WHO AM I ? behind my physical appearance, God one day I am going to DIE, who am I then?

So death can lead to the final answer so to speak. To the atheist its oblivion and so it doesn't matter, perhaps even a relief, to the believer, a heaven, a continuance of some sort, to the scientist perhaps 'energy merely transform itself into some other form', to those into reincarnation then wait until reborn and with regression may find out a former identity, then the show starts again. History may well show tyrants coming back for their dream of world domination, some feel it is their God Given right, whilst others may feel they alone have the ethics, solutions and the know how to lead the ignorant masses and so be a world government or religion to dominate the world mainly because of their deeply hidden fear of mortality.

Courtesy Goot. Alex Goot Musian. 

Thanks Alex, I do not know you and I hope you will not mind me using your photographs to illustrate my article and is no way related to your personal life or status. I merely like the expressions on your face that seem to illustrate as to what I am ranting on about.

Camelot Interview with Dr Brian O'Leary. 1hr.50 mins.

I was shut down and turfed out----long story.

Sometime back I got my degrees, and the University I got them from went broke, bust from the lack of funding.  This happened to many small Universities that specialised in specific subjects that were not covered by the mainstream, but are now. However the degrees were accredited and notary authenticity. A large business consortium bought up about a thousand or so worldwide and started non reputable distance learning courses.  THERE are reputable ones. This left a lot of us who are genuine in a lurch, however the accreditation and notary 'sort of saved us'.  This led me as well as the Police Officers above, HAVING no physical recognition of who we formally were, yet there are records, however, like my NDE in 1942, the death certificate at High Wycombe, Bucks, hospital have not got them nor Somerset House which only has my registered one.  Should the Police Files disappear then is no record of the Officers either. Some people wish to erase others identity These kind of people use every kind of ploy, dastardly, obnoxious, heinous subterfuges and barbarity because their shaky and yet appearing and feeling all powerful deep buried low esteem feels threatened, their power base challenged, and those not in accord are mere plebs, cattle fodder not worth living space, such can be one or many bound together in a common belief system and super glue fixed belief reality. This we see in politics, religion, business, personal relationships, and the result war, pollution, murder, rape, pillage and destroying the planet

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Then for me the light shone, I have been on the Quest since 1942 after my NDE and never fitted in to any scenario and still do not, however, other than being a tramp, vagrant, living rough, being in a monastery seemed freeing but still not enough. I had been in therapy when learning to be a counsellor and psychotherapist, I had seen the world of horror in Forensics, the world of mental torture in some patients, I had travelled Europe and Canada, 637 workshops presented, 3000 patients, hundreds of air flights, train journies, driving hundreds of miles, and had glimpses like the image 8(eighth up) the young girl glimpsing, looking through the fog of ' A TEMPORARY, TRANSIENT, EXPEDIENT FORM' that we call the flesh body. We cloak it with clothes, different in some countries, we groom our hair, styles, fashions, yet this ALL dies with the body.

So for me death became a magnificent contemplation, and with the aid of meditation, beyond contemplation, prayer, auto suggestion, hypnosis, mantra, yantra, affirmations, drugs and so forth I came one time to a complete absence of thought, not sleep. awake, alert, dynamic, empty yet ever so full AND QUESTIONED WHO AM I?

Courtesy rebloggy.com

This image came from a site that deals with depression and suicide, and how this relates to me is this; In the this consciousness of emptiness, which belies the experience because at the image says 'there are no words for this' instead of feeling LOSS OF IDENTITY , I felt whole, complete and yet I could not say I had an identity, I was what I was.  Whereas searching for an identity that is touchable, form orientated can be depressing if this is not satisfactory, and yes like the actor swapping parts, jobs, relationships may be fun whilst the search continues and so forth, and one might die happy and content with a few million pounds, a huge villa, a large adoring family, a powerful worldwide renown figure and good luck and best wishes sincerely meant, FOR me I have had riches, relationships, a minuscule of power as a therapist, martial arts top contender, footballer, scientist, workshop leader, and yet the discontent at a deep level, having been this form and that form, I realised from my NDE 'what was I when out of my body' I was four, lived in High Wycombe Buckinghamshire, a Jewish upbringing, no books on this, radio came on at 18.45 at night, the second world war, evacuated out of London because of the war threat.

Courtesy blog.spiritualcatalyst.com

Then as the image above states when all the illusions are burned away, we can either be down and out, or liberated, to me they are the two sides of the coin, breakdown / breakthrough.  So when all the illusions, WHICH ARE THE ATTACHMENT TO FORM, why so ? Because they die with the body.  If you want to take unsolved 'who am I's ? and reincarnate with them, you might like too if you were that millionaire  I typed above, or if oblivion then who cares anyway?

So for me I found that the real identity was 'nothing definite, infinite, no description, just an inner knowing', an assurity beyond form, yes an assurity about space, nothing, emptiness and so forth.

Courtesy www.amazon.com

Lately I am dispersing more of the illusions and have come too quietly realise, that 'true identity has no identity, so there is no identity, all identities are expedient and can be fleeting and changeable. Sometimes when the ego senses its threatened by the 'witness Host' and finding out its lair then it can cause illness, sabotage, accidents, and death.  Quote--No self-No Problem.  Is there a real self? No mind set to fit into! Maybe there is no reality, merely fleeting ones, passing clouds.

May I present a collage of myself as identities that have changed over the years as many of us may do or have to do nor stay with; 

1  A word about academia and degrees.  Who sets the standards for degrees?  You see in Newton's day a degree would not have the same value as today, and who says science is correct. There are many who question the whole scientific ethos. And in Quantum stuff is there really a science or is it a ring fence to ward of the fear of the emptiness of it and loss of identity. The horror to some of consciousness and the observer effect.  So build a false belief around quantum stuff, give it fancy names and almost another quirky language and feel mightily satisfied. A real PH.D.

The Higgs Fake: How Particle Physicists Fooled the Nobel Committee 

Great Book.  I have posted many times how the CERN Flock of Sheeples will make the diameter of the circuit greater or the procedures more complicated or another particle another billion dollars of funding so that the ego and belief expands in relation and proportion to the more 'mystical' it seems to the adoring orgasmic sheeple followers.  

 Listen to Camelot's interview with Brian Leary. How they fudged this astronauts existence in their programme. How they can make you anonymous. So his identity was taken and yet he can prove it, so what does a degree or identity really mean?

I deliberately keep this upside down as it depicts a point.  Is this true of false, am I faking it or did I consort with 400 other retired scientists and we Skyped and Emailed, phoned and submitted our ideas from out of the box to a retired astronaut who submitted them to NASA and did we get memorabilia as a thank you as it was voluntary and a hobby?   Does it matter?  I have had my degree questioned, in fact everything I write about, this is what happens when you go public, have you seen some of the foul comments on YOU TUBE IN THE CORRESPONDENCE COLUMNS?  I understand from friends who do Facebook some of the sick comments that get on there. Such as a famous footballer's wife died of breast cancer, a lovely young person and her husband does a lot for under privileged children, some fans from another team and loyal to a certain player he had a dispute with, wrote in terrible things about him and her, when he is grieving and actually hoping it hurt him and glad she was dead. Mind you I have suffered over football fans, threatened, punched, spat at because of who I supported a long time back and found out now by seniors in my block f flats. So one becomes identified with 'the church and religion of football team XYZ'.  The killing, maiming and destruction of property after international Games in different venues, can one wonder at war then?

The famous Garage in High Wycombe where mattresses were put down and Ju Jutsu was taught.

put

https://youtu.be/c3cBOq5-nZw(Camelot interview with Brian O'Leary)

I did clowning for a while  3.
I went clowning for a few years as a kind of exploration. I got away with a lot of things because after all I wore the uniform of a clown--- a court jester, and the me underneath without the make up would never have got away with it.

  637 workshops and I don't know how many phone sessions when I got home. Why did this occur in my Life?  'you teach and share only what you need to know and hear yourself' . 'We are each others teachers and teach what we have to learn' we find ourselves in the mirror of relationships.

  Me on right. My days as Senior Coach and Southern Area Secretary in the Amateur Judo Association of Great Britain along with Andy Sampson a great Judo Ka. I also did Kendo, Aikido and other Martial Arts. Later on did Tai chi, Qi Gong and Kung Fu. 

 At a recent wedding. Urggh.

 My late Brother , and Professor Cyril Woolf(deceased) Me in Science Days.

  A year after my NDE

There are some more, me in Forensics-football-cricket- all in wrestling(did this for a short while to earn money) as a business man, family and partner'  India trip and so forth.

I merely portrayed these above and I am sure there are many of you who could do the same and more. I did mine so as not to embarrass or bring anyone else into the picture. (Andy Sampson, Woolf my Brother and Cyril Wolf have passed on).

So where am I now?  The above are some of the identities I have been ADDICTED and attached  too.  I enjoyed many of them, yet still I was searching for a picture of myself that would fit. At one period I had a sexual identity crises, I felt not to be a man, women, or anything. I did cross dress for a while, this was not it, I tried to be a macho man, not for me, whatever I tried it was just a disguise from who I really was and am (what I have Posted in this article would to some mental health experts and some psychiatrists may feel I have serious mental health or deep psychological trauma).    I use Geoff Freed as a temporary identity, for in essence and in death where is the form of Freed gone?  Maybe Geoff is Freed!!!

Courtesy www.wallpaperseries.com

An imagery that helped me a lot; In a large field with a magnificent vista and I wanted to run, yet I could only get so far because I was tied to a Post with a rope that let me go about 100 yards.  I could not dismantle this rope, try as I may.  Then I realised I was attached to this rope and post. Constricting as it seemed at one time it was my security and I knew where I was and what to expect. I felt to be free and roam the beauty and yet was frightened, then I realised that freedom was free from attachment in my mind, my psyche. It was amazing as soon as I realised deeply that THE ATTACHMENT was my IDENTITY, and I was scared to lose who I THOUGHT  I WAS.  When I realised attachment was my identity and visa versa, the rope loosened and came away.

I found myself as in the image below in the middle of nowhere, there was a feeling of being lost and nowhere was so free that it was scary.

After the imagery it seemed as though I was lost and realised the tricky mind wanted to reform or grasp at another post with a longer rope, perhaps giving a mile to roam, another freer identity and still an attachment.

Then the game remembering to say in mind 'I am free' and this in itself was an attachment and subtle identity, the voice in the head, yes there was and is a relative freedom, and this is a psychological one, and can lead to traps; the traps are intellectual freedom, impulsive will freedom  (I am free and I know it, so f---k em all) and become a distracted hell raiser or shut away recluse, who hangs onto the intellectual buzz and so forth). So UNTIL the appropriate experience arrives when there is freedom naturally, almost like the Gorilla or a small child like mind yet with an innate intuitive wisdom then the best is allowing more slack in the rope UNTIL all disappears and like one of the ten ox herding pictures in Zen, returns to the city with bliss bestowing hands.

Courtesy zencare.org

 This seeming loss of a knowable, touchable as it were identity would seem sterile to most Western cultures as non ambitious, however, providing one is not mentally ill and has found freedom(satori, enlightenment, moksha, mahasamadhi and so forth) many psychiatrists would maybe evaluate or diagnose psychological and mental aberration whilst perhaps in some other cultures this maybe deemed as Roshi, Master, Guru, and in other cultures just a free being with a name but without an identity label or tag.

I went to a Kubler Ross workshop years back, and we all had to be no named as such, not disclose our jobs, backgrounds, after a few days it depicted how many were uncomfortable.

When we revealed who we were, those who had status in society, wealth and a position of 'importance' were the most disturbed by the experience, it was interesting that those who felt loss of esteem and low self confidence also felt the same perturbation.

It showed who are we when our social identity card is erased or compromised? 

Having found inner peace and calm and know that this freedom is in the depths of themselves, and can return to 'society' and attain a social 'important vocation' or whatever, yet remain free. There is a trap, if you think your free it will not work, you will get sucked back to attachment to identity, however, if you are free then you are free and can be in the role but not of it. NOT an actor / or actress. Only you will know if this is true for yourself or not. Remember the mind is a tricky customer and can dream up or conjure up a seeming cast iron concrete experience and yet---------back in delusion and illusion when the honeymoon is over.

Courtesy theurbandaily.com

Some interesting musings.

http://www.jkrishnamurti.org/about-krishnamurti/dissolution-speech.php  Read the late Krishnamurti's speech. He was proclaimed the next Messiah, when I spoke to him ' he said he had been educated at Oxford(I think) and he was spending his time now unlearning' In all the pictures of my life I unlearned and moved on, they were posts with ropes as mentioned above.

Then there is story of Ramakrishna (Guru) He heard a noise in the back yard and saw a naked sadhu(named Tote Puri----spelling) and when the sadhu saw RamaKrishna he took a piece of broken glass and dug into the Guru's head and said, this fixation you have with the Holy Mother and the image you cannot get out of your head , now the pain is a sword which will cut you free to be. The bottom line here for me is that I do not identify with any of the above, I can feel my ego still searching for a safe haven, and yet the periods of peace and non identification and emptiness are prolonging.  So any challenge now is simply that part of the form Geoff Freed that  has not died now which he still uses that aspect to live in the world as an expedient to Life. Academia has no interest or science now, nor politics or religions, in fact most worldly things, however, nature, the wonder and the mystery absorb me and smiling at the trees, joy at bird song, the stillness of the night, the changes of weather. The compassion for people, yes. The majesty of stars, the milky way and the transformation into something else in its appropriate 'time' when nature the Tao, the pathless path moves me on like a leaf in the wind. So I question if doing the Post / blog is needed, for this does not seem to be for me at this moment---but who knows. 

Courtesy www.fichams.com

In some way we are all chameleons and some say you can play the game of the world, however if one does there is the imminent inherent danger of becoming hooked, masked, and losing who one really is. I understand the fear of becoming a non identity, yet there is a way of becoming the identity-less Identity and the joke of it all is ' how can one be an Identity-less Identity, when there is no Identity to know or cling too' . When one gets the ah ha from the Koan, then One knows who one is without Knowing.    

At this time (a strange word) I see ET and other phenomena as the passing clouds, interesting without attachment to the interest, I am not sure whether there will be any other Posts, I leave that open.

I see the world problem as an attachment to ego which is identity to ego, which in its turn is perishable form, and a mind construct.  My journey will continue in whatever form it appears in the witness in the void, as to the witness, which we all have in common, after all there is only one witness, we all think our witness is unique to us, when the 'us' goes and there is no identity even to the witness, then we are one in the fundamental essence.  We are only separate in the temporary form level.

So until whenever and wherever if there is such a phenomenon. 

BE WELL.  Geoff 

ADDENDUM

Animals in front of mirror. 3 mins-----Identity Crisis?

Maybe they are themselves?

Is this hysteria or what---make up your mind time. 4 vital minutes

To study the Way is to study the self.

To study the self is to forget the self.

To forget the self is to allow the ten thousand things to flow.

—Zen Master Dogen, from the Genjōkōan

No self-no problem

Forgetting above is not burying it by suppression but it just dissolves and is not there. So where is there?

Western self is a self built on beliefs and programmes, no self well you have to experience this to know and the knowing comes from 'no mind'.

ADDENDUM 2

Most, Most important---how to lose our identity politically and our rites. 5 mins of vital information.

The Bilderbergs and their agenda. 17 MINS
ADDENDUM 3

Compare the article many years back in Post 10. Scroll down to Header 'Content'.
 Above  (10 min video)
http://www.igrooveradio.com/nasa-something-is-affecting-the-entire-solar-system/  This is something I have been going on and on for ages, this is an update of an earlier article from 2006.  This is exactly what the '1967' writings are about.
More to follow

Chemtrails----7 mins.