Wednesday 26 March 2014


Hi folks.  In this life so far I have worn many persona's, masks, personalities been in many scenarios and wow it has been amazing. 
We all wear a mask until we reach ground zero of who we are in essence.  IT'S WHAT I AM NOT WHAT DO.
There are many facets to this discussion. Perhaps it is OK to be a masked person.  I know a few 'famous' celebrities in sport, acting, business and so on, and some 'ordinary' folk as it were, although we are all ordinary, its the mask and its attributes that make us that.  
Courtesy Jane Powell
So what is the real you?  Some clinicians I know will say there is no such thing, you settle for the world 'ethos' in which way you are culturally brought up in and if you get disturbed and act 'outside of the box' of your conditioning, such as leaving your parents and family steeped in die hard religion or sect, even politic, then you are either an outcast, a black sheep of the family, and then the consequences can be rehabilitation.  Rehab in the form of psychiatry, therapy,  medical drugs, theological sessions with the priest or whatever.
I often get asked 'you say you have done over 600 workshops, seen 3000 clients in therapy, worked for big institutions well I've never heard of you'.

Courtesy James Baldwin
One maybe in a religion or sect and I have known those with Guru's,  those in main stream religion who are reasonably SAFE in themselves, but have never opened up to real love, which I feel is the real person, the reality of the Universe. So in my view until we have found this we all have masks.
I have written in Post 70 about a famous comedian Max Miller and his story is very much in vogue now.  There was a programme on pro soccer players of high profile and their loneliness, suicidal and depressed episodes, I know one of them very well and counselled him as I did a very famous actress and they told me how rife it is in their professions. A famous saying from a celebrity 'the problem is you begin to believe your own publicity'

There is no doubt for me I got a great buzz out of the workshops and I found myself at times performing, doing a great impressionist act as in Post 70 and when I realised that I was being fed by this and a contrast to my dry Forensic Job, I began to examine what I was doing these workshops for, to whose benefit?
It became clear that the saying 'we are teach others and we teach that which we most have to learn ourselves' hit me time and time again.
Then it came out of the blue so to speak, a wealthy elderly lady was besotted with my work and wanted me to publish a book, set up a centre near Hastings in the UK and start courses, and make money. I was sorely tempted and all but said yes.  I was booked by this dear, dear person to go to the USA, Australia and elsewhere, there was a great number of people in these places that had heard my tapes and were eagerly awaiting my arrival.
It was then I realised that I was getting 'off' on the hype, the publicity and my heartfelt desire was inner peace, solitude and carry out the '1967' writings. I decided to quit the International Scene but do low cost workshops to relatively small participants in very 'ordinary' places, old church halls, community centres, in peoples houses and so on.  Yes there were Universities, the EU in Brussels, The FAO Rome UN, however, these were to staff in small numbers, once or twice to large audiences.  Do I regret this decision --- no way, and even now people have invited me to Scandinavia, Russia, USA and so on. I have declined. I have no energy for this, I am content to just be a kind of hermit and seek what I feel is my essence. I still do some local 'work' without pay, however it is sparse and often have to go to meetings regarding research, then two friends of mine can carry on the Qi Gong, healing, and fun stuff.

I have chosen the above image because it is just what it is an image of a presenters ideas and vision. May I add that I do not have thing about those who are famous ' through the book' do world tours, charge huge fees, have an adoring fan club and so on. Someone has to reach the public somehow, and believe it is not without its cost.
In my own small way I got flak, criticized, slandered, called a fake. The first thing many asked me 'WHERE  did you get your degree.? I used to reply 'Why is this important, this is what I do for my living, not who I am in a workshop or who I am' Often they would say'I bet you bought your degree or you got it through the back door'. A PH.D in science is not going to help you in a self growth workshop when I am espousing those participants to get out of your head. So as far as I am concerned I do not recognise my degree as to who I am in essence, and by the way I did not take my degree in the name of Freed I took it in our Russian Family name.
Yes I used aliases I wrestled under the name of Geoff Ashley the Australian Kangaroo.  See.
Courtesy thelastdoordownthehall.blogs
In Post 25 there are some photos of me, they are not me, they were masks on the way to discovering me.  The were lovely and yet painful when I needed to let go and move on. I do not have one as an apprentice soccer player as it broke my heart so to speak that I could not play any more, I did as an amateur, until that  injury put paid to many exercises and so on, and even to this day certain movements are out.  The football alias was simply Geoff Ashley(Ashley is my middle name, Freed is a name that was changed officially by deed of poll a legal document done many years back).
Why did I decide to name this article 'The Clown' well because that is what I am to many, I do clown about, not in a detrimental foolish way, some say childish, naive, simple, not ambitious and so on, what do I feel? A growing emancipation from the masks, the way of the world of imitation and fashion. Why the Clown. 

Yes Folks a better photo in POST 25, By the way in that Post I deliberately created gaps. Dear Clowns I know you have registered face make ups, if I have copied one of yours inadvertently, I apologise, I do not use make up or clown clothes since 2003.  I do though encourage people to clown about as below.
I now go to places locally where people are sad, mixed up and feeling unloved.  What I do is facilitate  them to go into their bodies, feel their 'block', 'hang up'  to quietly focus in a lazy yet alert way on it, get a colour, a substance or resemblance that comes to mind by going to the place where they feel the body has stored it.  Then to put a lightness in it, and when any degree of lifting occurs, no matter how small, get a clown image, a daft picture, make a rude noise, a gesture and move, move, move.
Make a facial expression of the feeling, make the part of the body cringe, hunch up shoulders ONLY when in touch with the block, emotion.  Get an emotion and act it, feel where the emotion is in the body, if in the mind, bring an image of light to it.  Then be a clown, let go in anyway and then FEEL THE FEELING OF LETTING GO, take the feeling of letting go, from clowning, free expression to 'flood the body and Mind with pure Fun'. Then let it simmer down to become a soft energy slowly yet dynamically coursing through the body and mind.  Know you are energy, a free river.  Then one can start meditation as I have outlined in many a blog.
What I also found that some people are endless book readers and workshop groupies. OK maybe that is what is needed at the time. My teacher said to me 'a good teacher knows when to kick out the groupies, the bird must fly the nest, it cannot always rely on its parents'
Whilst I was always please to see people, I also could see I was becoming their lifeline. In some cases when I packed up, they phoned me continually, emails, desperate for consolation. Some admitted they were 'workshop junkies' that's what they told me.  Yes books are great, but use them as sparingly as possible.  WHY DO I SAY THIS.  
It is great to go to workshops, groups, have loads of friends, YES --BUT-- how do you feel when they are not there for you, either through circumstances, health or finance or what else? So all this stuff about socialising is great until you are deprived of it. Bonding, nurturing, these are all necessary UNTIL they are deprived.
In native communities like organic food , this was natural, bonding etc., monkey's animals do this naturally. The false Western World and technology has to teach people how to be happy, contented. There are crazy dance classes, workshops on natural living, diets, fashions, big glossy magazines( I've been approached by TV, film, book publishers and Glossy mags, offers to glam up this site, make money by advertising from it--- its not wrong for others, -----however, I make mistakes, the site is not professional in many ways, but I am content for it to evolve or not) I have turned down lucrative 
TV and book deals, not because I cannot handle it, I do have issues with low esteem and you know what that is great, why so ---it feels good now I have accepted 'what makes high esteem'
Courtesy the

So we can see the image physically to make one feel great, to be admired, in different cultures and fashions this is changeable and sometimes a bone of contention.  Too much skin exposure in some cultures are thought of as irreligious, profanity and so on.  Education and success can put youngsters under immense unnatural pressure.
I had a Jewish mother, she was warm, generous, beautiful and unfortunately !, not like a lot of Jewish Mothers I know and witness.  But she did say occasionally, 'get married to a nice Jewish girl, have a nice, job, go to shool(synagogue) have money, a nice car, be somebody'  Well Iv'e turned out to be a kind of nobody, this is not a put down but an accomplishment.
I see people talking to themselves, getting into their private world, unfulfilled in this one.  What image do we have of ourselves and people. IS IT POSSIBLE  to have no image and be happy?
We all have strange addictions, fantasies and so on. ARE YOU
You know there is an old saying ' there is no accounting for taste' and to whom do you look for ultimate applause, self worth and accreditation?  The invisible God, the priest, your lover, wife, husband, partner, group, boss, your political and religious masters, your street gang, your General, your mates, your girl / boyfriend and all others, most of all your idol, your Guru, your own self conjured up image.  So what or who is this empty nothing person?  A dull vegetable, a mindless moron, a simpleton, a non ambitious, nondescript wanderer, a vagabond on the high seas of life, a low life, an imbecile, a clown, a chump, a shmock,  a smiling know all with a kind heart.  You may well ask.
He or she may look like anyone else, yet there is a certain quietness, not a shy wallflower, there is a grace about them, they are non demanding of themselves and others.  They thoroughly enjoy life and in their mind set, they are empty, but their empty mind is full of joy and amusement, they know the secret of Life. The secret of Life is that there is no secret. Life is everywhere and if one does not get caught in fame(OK to be famous, if you do not live through your fame and when it is gone you are depleted, not whole, it is OK if you live through your guilt, blame, envy, greed, insatiability, insatiable appetite for more and hoarding, self protection and insurance----is this OK?) 
Speaking to many people I found that the root of many troubles is loneliness, loneliness from one's true self and with others. In a relationship I feel both parties to function well have to have a mighty sense of their true selves, otherwise a dependency grows up and on termination through death, finance, incompatibility or such like, withdrawal symptoms, grief, anger, revenge and complete denial can result.
There is inside us all, a consciousness that when 'touched' is so satisfying to the body, mind, soul and onwards to the next step,  that is departing the body.  It cannot be explained in detail, it is completely fulfilling and does not require apparatus, groups, teachers, books, it has no social malfunctions, it is at ease with itself and others, it does feel everything, but it is not retained or pushed down, it is free flowing but not impulsive, IT IS WHAT IT IS.  It nothing you can learn, it cannot be handed down or transmitted no matter what a Guru says. You can feel it from another, yet all you can do is to use the suffering or NOT IT to find it.
Courtesy (Gods Shadow)
There is no equation or plan, there is no logic, it is the  Mystery of Life.  Any attempt to explain it falls short, one is often ridiculed because of ones pursuit of it.  It draws one to the exclusion of all else.  Not because it is ADDICTIVE but because one instinctively knows, intuitively understands this is the real me, the ultimate reality.
 By knowing you are not fully satisfied, awakening to the quest of who you truly are, leads one down the slippery slope to the tunnel of your self. 'I am not this, I am not that, I am'.
One may then ask 'well if this experience is all satisfying and completeness, is it not boring and and nothing else to do?  Niet, no. One lets go and lets the experiences of the day as it were to run through, as if the Universe were running the show, and not the fashionable programmes of the day, one's conditioning who we erroneously thought we were, a mere projection of the programmed mind, no net to look through, a clear window without the shadows of the ego blocking the clarity of the flow.  One is joined to evolutionary process and is carried by this River Of Delight and Consciousness. 

We realise we are the mystery and so from then onwards or is there a direction in a eternal space with but endless creations which come and go. If you hang onto just this finitely small Earth experience, all you get is repeats, the past regurgitating itself, albeit with makeovers, then boredom really sets in an by then one is so conditioned one cannot see the wood for then trees. So the process of letting go of these programmes, remnants of past indoctrination begins, and it may well begin through loneliness, misconceptions, suffering, inadequacies, ill health, financial, relationships or for countless other reasons.
and to be singularly vulgar 'Let the wind go free as the holding of the wind was the death of me'.
Be Well. Be Wind Free.  Geoff
I let the wind go free
Me composing the Post. Actually I have a few rough notes and when I start on the computer it just pours out. By the way in my CV especially energygrid, I started on computers 15 years before 2005(1990 although it was very basic and still is!)
I love the song I'm for ever blowing bubbles, and although the guy above is juggling, I like the image of bubbles, they seem real and of course---!
I'm forever blowing bubbles
Pretty bubbles in the air
They fly so high, nearly reach the sky
Then like my dreams they fade and die
Fortune's always hiding
I've looked everywhere
I'm forever blowing bubbles
Pretty bubbles in the air
I'm f-f-forever b-b-blowing bubbles
Pretty bubbles in the air
They f-f-fly so high, nearly reach the sky
Then in my d-d-dreams they fade and d-d-die
Fortune's always hiding
I've looked everywhere
I'm f-f-forever b-b-blowing bubbles
Pretty bubbles in the air
I'm forever blowing bubbles
Pretty bubbles, no more troubles
Pretty bubbles in the air
Read more: Dean Martin - I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles Lyrics | MetroLyrics  James Kellette / Vincent, Nathaniel H.
When the bubble bursts--- your free.
May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil finds out your dead. (Irish Saying).

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