Saturday, 29 June 2013

POST 65

Hi.  I would like to share some very special experiences which the late Dr Costello my psychotherapy trainer, Sensei and Sifu all shared in their own way.
Well they never said that and nor did I .  I never felt people are nutty, I rather felt they had distorted view of what was commonly accepted as the norm. Ask yourself what is the norm and I suppose you may say things like respect, not thieving, not rape, murder or anything that is abuse and harmful. Yet war is acceptable.
Young and old are constantly exposed in computer games, TV and adverts to this kind of male super soldier, hero and rescuer or enemy.  This male image of super power, the all conquering hero. We have it in myths such as Hercules, not so much with David and Goliath.  David is even referred too in some legends as gay and wimp like. Gay men or women are wrongly stereotype as are heterosexual folk.  We tend to label and from the form, become judgemental, simply because we have been brain washed to accept fashion, culture and peer bondage images.  
Of course the armed forces, police and security forces knock the wimp out of you if they can or you get a desk job or not suitable for service.
Lets come back to the original statement of the experiences as above.  When I went to Sensei with the shock of the Koan part in Post 22, he quietly told me 'sit down have a cup of tea, now your troubles will begin, you will never see the world as others see it again'.
As far as I am and was concerned he was correct. I did not see the need for hoarding, addiction, even relationships on an emotional level. Of course many who knew me thought I was strange, remote, queer.  My road map was not the same. THE salient point being there is no roadmap AT ALL.
I felt my sanity slipping away, and I tried to step back into the 'old or-previous reality', no good it merely teased me, bored me, felt like food with no taste.  I tried distraction, sex, cross dressing, did not feel gay although this would be OK if I felt to experience it. Got into work, sport and several relationships with beautiful young women, and yet there was something lacking, it felt unreal, something lacking.
In clinical situations or the so called norm, many people feel this disconnection, I felt because of some trauma or episode of untapped creativity. My feeling was and is that I knew the 'reason' the Koan and understood it was part of the process.
Krishnamurti said 'it is in the mirror of relationships you find yourself'.

By being aware and the witness which did happen to me after the shock of the Koan, I could clearly see the 'value' or what the relationship meant to me.  You see with that experience I felt a peace, a quietness, where every thought seemed loud like a 'ghetto Blaster' ( a type of loud radio carried by youngsters).


Whereas many just felt uneasy, seeking, despondent without the 'detachment' of the witness.  It was then I realised this was not the end of the story.  The conditioned reflexes the ego, the separated mind, this bundle of conditioned brain washed programmes had a mind of their own, and they battled to take over.  It would have  been easier in a monastery a Zendo, I tried that it was worse, the isolation drove me nearly crackers so to speak, and yet going out of mind was a very promising temptation, yet fear held me back.
I examined this fear, this was then fear of the ego, the witness did not have fear, yet the energy was very powerful and like a giant magnet pulling me back out of awareness into a fantasy, a mind dream, anxiety and I found I became unconscious, not in a coma or faint, unconscious because my awareness was lost and compromised.
I lost my sense of being male or female, I felt androgynous, asexual, I looked like a body builder, very macho, yet felt nothing or any gender and in my relationships at work, play, workshops, as a therapist I felt this calm and yet a torment to stay in it when assailed by the ego.  I tried to 'get' something from my girlfriends, they could not give me it, that peace, that silent knowing, they were a temporary port in a storm, I feel very compassionate towards them, it was not their fault.  I gave it up and began to lose myself in work and workshops, being a therapist, I could see the pain and anguish as those dear clients sought what I was after, a peaceful mind.
Yet there was a difference I already had it and lost it occasionally as of now. l knew it was inside as it were, many were trying to get the outside right, a better job, relationship, position in Life. Get the crap out and start over, many just substituting one trauma, then relief only to fall into another trauma the same as before only in disguise
We often have reoccurring self defeating sabotage appearances that seem to pop up from nowhere, yet some subtle trigger event, trivial, subtle, 'rings' the alarm bell' and sets up the switch to the unconscious pixel of storage and away goes the awareness and the screen of mind shows the content in full graphics with aromas, feelings, pain and detail. It is as if the mind has a library and rental shop of endless DVD's and like the old ,music machines the song by the late Teresa Brewer :
MUSIC !  MUSIC !  MUSIC !  (PUT ANOTHER NICKEL IN)
(Stephan Weiss / Bernie Baum)
Teresa Brewer & The Dixieland All Stars - 1950
The Ames Brothers - 1950
Carmen Cavallaro & His Orch.(vocals: The Cavaliers) - 1950
Freddy Martin & His Orch.(vocals: Merv Griffin) - 1950
Micket Katz & His Orch. - 1950
Hugo Winterhalter, His Orch. & Chorus - 1950
The Sensations - 1961
Put another nickel in
In the nickelodeon
All I want is lovin' you
And music! music! music!
This machine you feed money into, popular in pubs in the UK and select a record, like a vending food machine, you could see the disc being selected and arm would come down and hey presto the music went on. The above tune was played nearly everywhere at the time.
So for a time I gave into the ego, I did not meditate, I had a French girlfriend a student ballerina and she was used to being handled by big men. She thought I needed to find my feminine side, so I took leave from work and cross dressed.
She felt by wearing suspenders(hard to find for a large thigh ex footballer and body builder, we innovated) one day I looked in the mirror and saw my make up and all, and pee'd myself with laughter  and never  crossed dressed again and realised I had both the feelings in me male macho and soft love and compassion. And although I found the balance with the emotions, this was not IT.
Yes one goes in and out of duality, not only sexuality, but ego to witness. The trick is not to get anxious in one or other. First I got frightened that if I was just an awareness, I would be vegetable, a nothing, then I felt if I got lost in the ego I would lose myself.
What was myself?  I now know it is neither of the two in the last paragraph.  So what is IT and can one find IT.  The answer is NO.  It happens by grace, some celestial invitation, exhaustion, seeming dropping off into the void, I have no notion or idea but it does happen, sometimes all at once and other times slowly slipping down the slippery slope.  One cannot grasp IT nor fathom IT.  There is no description of IT or reality to IT. It is what IT is.
To many the world is lunatic asylum, and many of the inmates maybe the sane ones. The world always had its elite, some did away with Jesus and other social reformers, whistle blowers, conspirators, ancient activists, now with modern communications its in your face, so to speak.
When we are the witness or one begins even with reason and logic, like say how did the Universe really come into being? Why is there so much conflict?  Why am I so distressed, and seeing and reasoning many questions, like death and everything in the Universe will go and yet reappear  I will die, everybody I know and love or do not know will die and so on, one may not like what one sees and there by the grace of god I could have been a murderer, a terrorist, a priest, a king, queen, a nobody, a tramp, a famous singer, footballer, the list is endless, I could have died in an accident, in war, in a flood and so on. In introspection we can come to a wall, a dead end. 
Then we may feel trapped, go crazy and babble, talk to one self, get into strange coping mechanisations, seek distraction, cannot make sense of it, its just more of the same difference, cosmetic mind graphics, the same old TV films every Christmas, running out of presents to give, new toys, new cars, bored, suicide, desperation, loneliness, holidays.
This what many of my friends feel today and many I speak too, many have just accepted the humdrum life and have a quiet resolve, I'll get on and just become a dull accepting slave to monotony and toil. Life becomes a drudge.
This happened to me even after the shock, however, I knew I had glimpsed of something beyond. I wrestled with suicide at times, yet I knew the QUEST was still on, I knew deep in me this was for me no way out. For others I appreciate it may well be appropriate, it is not for me to evaluate another's pain, but to hold their hand if required.
I am not so sure it is 100% preventable. The world picture for teenagers is pretty bleak once the binging, drug stuff, job opportunities are laid bare or barren. Yet the silent energy of the world, the 'sixth sense' is acute in these youngsters and many older folk so they 'pick up' on the vibes, not knowing it may not be theirs.
I now offer this: in post 22 and my experience of that film 'The Life of Pye' it is OK to go deeper and deeper by the witness feel the mind pressure, stay with it, you'll want to run, when  you find the release, you will be free from the crap of the world, you will see it as madness, and although you feel at peace with the world, you still  feel the craziness of holding onto material so called solids, gold, wealth, power over others as a fleeting enjoyment and yet wanting more, more, running out of new things, the bigger Ferrari, the larger house, the big party, places to holiday.  Running away from boredom, and yet facing boredom and going through it not by doing but sitting quiet and facing it out, one comes to an extraordinary quiet, calm, dynamic, a potential, a world filled with nothing, a permeating well being, an onement with the all in all, and what the world thought of you as mad, a recluse, a weirdo now becomes the opposite, it is indeed those others who may have their marbles in the wrong bag.
I've taken to juggling, blowing bubbles, diabolo play, dancing madly and seductively to all sorts of music or even my own drumming and humming. (song I'm for ever blowing bubbles--Its on the net)
When we speak of madness and ' going out of my mind', yes, that can be a blessing if one has the view of going beyond the mind into emptiness of mind, which is pure awareness.  This can be an experience of a kind of exquisite joy, peace a dynamic creative potential.  One merely leaves ones previous mind set or conditioning. Hallelujah.
Diet---no way.
The unknown is safe because that is the end of the known, no matter how painful the known might be or pleasurable it is degrees of security.  Therapy may put one into a ' better frame of mind' or understanding the trauma, and provide one with a strategy or a coping mechanism, and can even put one back into a more accommodating mind set, and in rare circumstances lead one to meditation and to the empty fullness of oneself.
Grandpa I never knew you cared.
In the fullness of emptiness there is  nowhere to flee, only back to the illusion of somethingness.  Where does one fall in emptiness only to where one is. 

I did it my way(In memory of Frank Sinatra) I like yodelling. 
How everything emerges from this emptiness and then returns is the mystery and knowing of IT.  To remain in emptiness is one sided, unbalanced, to remain in fullness of illusion, is one sided and unbalanced, so a see saw of this and that ensues until one realises this cycle and flows with it. Balance is a constant movement of adjustment. 

We've nothing like this in Barnet.
Things come and go, the tide is and out, the seasons go by, this is the WAY OF IT.
When one enquires what is the way, the observer  realises that the Life she / he resides in, the natural law of plants, animals,clouds, rivers, stars and planets, sense their way and go with the mystery and do not question it. 
Another Illusion? Perhaps.
I am here, I am gone, I am. Who am I? All this is irrelevant if one has found or is IT.  For IT has no definition, if it did , it would be a concept, a mind programme.
Only when the ego mind finishes its ceaseless futile attempt to capture that which cannot be captured or restrained, then one is in IT.   The letting go of the search for IT, finds IT. Yet one has to grasp in order to let go, make a fist to open it, know night for day.
Hey man this is cosmic, way out, cool
The midpoint of the see saw is the fulcrum, the centre of gravity, the axis, the pivot, this is where duality arises from, obtains its power from, this midpoint is is the power source, the pure potential, the dantien, the seiki no itten, the hara, it is fleeting, non abiding, in the see saw of Life.  In the emptiness of the fulcrum, there is neither up nor down, side or any other direction, it is without form and without direction. Who can describe this? So it is the founder and creator of both.
Or should it be crapping?

This is the conundrum, the paradox, the koan, and when one ceases to try and solve it, not to give up, yet be passionate and desperate, a quiet resolve without intention, a kind of passive enquiry, the enquiry of no enquiry, no intellectual interference, one gets out of the way so to speak, not a retreat a kind side step, one gets the shock of IT.  Who can say a word of it now?   
Being in a monastery or in Life outside in the bustling world , of noise, grime and tawdry experiences, does not preclude one from having the deep enrichment  of what IS.

Wishing you a lot of IS and more of IT. Geoff
I'm forever blowing bubbles,
pretty bubbles in the air,
they fly so high, nearly reach the sky
then like my dreams they fade and die.
Fortunes always hiding,
I've looked everywhere,
I'm forever blowing bubbles,
pretty bubbles in the air!

(Look for tune onn the net).

ADDENDUM

Wartime Reduction in Gluten Grain Rations Reduces Schizophrenia Prevalence

For instance, in 1966, a remarkable epidemiological study was published in The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition titled,"Wheat "Consumption" and Hospital Admissions for Schizophrenia During World War II," which sought to confirm the possible relationship between schizophrenia and celiac disease by investigating the reported decrease in the number of admissions to mental hospitals during some wars. 
The author of the study, F. C. Dohan, M.D., looked at the number of women admitted to the mental hospitals in Finland, Norway, Sweden, Canada and the United States before and after World War II. These figures were then compared to volume of wheat and rye consumed during those two periods. As Dohan explains:
“The percent change in the mean annual number of first admissions for schizophrenia to the hospital in each of the five countries from the respective pre-war mean was compared to the percent change in the "consumption" of wheat and wheat plus rye."
The results can be view in the figure below:
Wheat Consumption Data and Psychiatric Problems
As you can see above, the percent change from prewar values during World War II in the number of patients admitted to hospitals for the first time with schizophrenia in five countries was found to be significantly correlated to the percent change in the amount of wheat and wheat plus rye consumed. As gluten grain rations decreased, so did the worldwide rate of first-time admission to psychiatric institutions.

(Reuters) - Novak Djokovic says his unbeaten run is due to his special, gluten-free diet and now Sabine Lisicki hopes she too will benefit in the long run after discovering she is intolerant to gluten, a protein in cereal grains.
German Lisicki was on the verge of upsetting third seed Vera Zvonareva in the second round of the French Open on Wednesday but, with the finishing line in sight, she crumbled on court and had to be carried off on a stretcher sobbing.
On Thursday, the 21-year-old explained why her health had suddenly deteriorated.
"I am sad that my body let me down. Doctors recently discovered that I am intolerant to gluten -- meaning I can't eat e.g. pasta, one of my biggest energy sources," Lisicki, who was seen munching on a couple of bananas on Wednesday, said on her website (www.sabinelisicki.com).
"My body needs to adjust to the big change and needs some time. It is good that we found out and it will only make life better in the long run."
Gluten is found in wheat, barley and rye, and in products that contain these grains or their derivatives.
Pasta and bread were once staple food items for top athletes as they were the most important sources of energy. Athletes on gluten-free diets need to find substitutes for their old standbys.
Serbian Djokovic, who is on a 39-match winning streak in 2011, changed his diet nine months ago after his nutritionist carried out tests and established he was intolerant to gluten.
Like Djokovic, Lisicki's body cannot cope with many carbohydrate products and she will need to find substitute food items so that she can find the energy to last the distance in three-set matches.
The new diet has definitely paid off for Djokovic.
"I have lost some weight but it's only helped me because my movement is much sharper now and I feel great physically," Djokovic, who has beaten Rafa Nadal in four finals this year, said recently.
The gluten-free diet is necessary for people who have celiac disease. It has been gaining in popularity among the general public, but doctors warn that people who eliminate gluten from their diet can also lose out on important nutrients.

Strange anomaly.2 mins. (don't like end quote re guns)

Boat Race protester Trenton Oldfield has been refused leave to remain in the UK after the Home Office decided his presence was not "conducive to the public good".
The Australian, who disrupted last year's University Boat Race by swimming into the path of the crews, was jailed for six months for his actions.
Oldfield, who was watched by millions of television viewers as he halted the annual race on the Thames between Oxford and Cambridge universities, was found guilty at London's Isleworth Crown Court of causing a public nuisance.
During his trial, Oldfield told the jury the race was a symbol of elitism and that London was blighted by inequality.
A Home Office spokesman said: "Those who come to the UK must abide by our laws. We refused this individual leave to remain because we do not believe his presence in this country is conducive to the public good."
Oldfield, whose British wife Deepa Naik is expecting a child, told the Guardian he had appealed against the decision.
He said: "No one was expecting this. I have a tier one visa, as a highly skilled migrant, and I was sentenced to less than a year. The lawyer said I had nothing to worry about because it was less than a year. It feels to me that this is a very vindictive decision, very political and very much an overreaction."
He added: "Before bringing their verdict, the jury asked the judge if she could be lenient. The probation officer recommended a non-custodial sentence. The sentence was excessive, but the judge also said I have contributed positively to life in this country."
Sentencing Oldfield in October last year Judge Anne Molyneux said he had ruined the race for everyone: "You caused delay and disruption to it and to the members of the public who had gone to watch it and to enjoy the spectacle of top athletes competing."
Adding that Oldfield's actions had endangered his life and those of others, the judge said: "Your offence was planned. It was deliberate. It was disproportionate. It was dangerous."
( It seems more and more people are protesting and becoming vociferous.  There is a ground swell of people beginning to wake up)
This is a popular trait ' the flash mob' in which in train station. a public square etc., musicians, clowns, fake weddings, choirs, suddenly appear and entertain. There have been many posted in You Tube, this is one of the latest.
Flash Mob
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=VZxd8w11YSA
I will keep posting this as it is so,so, so vital and important.
  • Lab tests show that ice from UK branches of McDonald’s, Burger King, KFC, Starbucks and other fast food restaurants contains more bacteria than the water found in the restaurants’ toilets
  • Similarly, tests conducted in 2008 found that two-thirds of all restaurant lemon wedges were contaminated with 25 different types of disease-causing bacteria -- including fecal bacteria
  • While none of the samples presented an immediate health risk, four of them contained high enough levels to be considered a “hygiene risk,” the laboratory warned
  • Children, the elderly, and those with poorly functioning immune systems are among the most vulnerable to foodborne illness. Regularly drinking sweetened beverages is, in and of itself, a factor that will impair your immune function
  • Ditching sodas and other sweetened drinks is one of the most powerful actions you can take to improve your health and lower your risk of disease and long-term chronic health conditions







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